Pumbaa's Dead Eyes

Written by Shiggins

Piggy Pain.

We've all got our complaints about the photo-realistic copy of Disney's Lion King, nearly perfected in 1994 by those who sought to bring joy and scale to an audience of all ages. I have many complaints I'd like to write about too, but I cannot think about them because all I see, whenever I close my eyes, are the eyes of a monster that seeks the end... the eyes of Pumbaa.

What were once bright and colourful, full of expression, has now been replaced by a cold void. The character, voiced by Seth Rogen, is now able to stare into the depths of our souls and expose whatever we hid away for the world to see, so it may crush the hope we once felt. Did you dream of being an astronaut one day? Of world peace? Of the love your parents never gave you? Pumbaa has already taken those dreams for his nourishment. They sustained him, for the briefest of moments.

I used to believe that the world could get better, but Pumbaa refused to let me be optimistic. Instead, he found where I live, where I sleep, and he slurped away the last pebbles of hope. He consumed them. He taught me that the world is dark, as dark as his eyes, and you should have no worries about what he will do. As he strides along, part of something with no originality or charm, I realise this is a sign of the end.

You cannot stop Pumbaa, so don't worry about it. Just let him destroy you. Hakuna Matata.

Pumbaa owns you, and his eyes own your eyes. Everything is agony. Everything is Pumbaa. And in his quest for realism, he has taken your love, your faith, and your emotion, and feasted upon it's sweet nectar. And I like to believe he laughed. Or he would have, if those eyes had anything inside them capable of experiencing laughter.

I could write a real review, focusing on how disappointing the copy is compared to the animated classic, and how elements of what this film does work in favour or against the original story, but there would be no point. Pumbaa's eyes would not let me get past the first word. Instead, all I can do is write about Pumbaa, and the tragedy I feel as he finds me, again and again and again. We are all going to die one day, and Pumbaa wants it that way. He wants you to disappear, to be forgotten, and to be replaced with a soulless replica for his feasting.

I feel nothing, because Pumbaa saw me. And I saw Pumbaa. And he took everything away from me. It's over. There's nothing...

Hakuna Matata.

By the way, this film is shit.

Shiggins:[Admin]
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Born under the stars of the Dark Gods, Shiggins owns the power of the Great Eye and is utterly magnificent in his omniscience. If you dare to discover more about someone as great as him, then go ahead. And to all my friends and family members, YOU are wrong and I should be disappointed! Not the other way round!,. You can find out about him or ask him stuff on ask.fm/shigginsishere or go to his tumblr page http://otakugajeel.tumblr.com/