Star Wars Episode XI: The Rise of Skywalker - Movie Review

Written by Shiggins

Forced.

Star Wars began in 1977 with one of the most popular and quotable sci-fi movies to this day. After that, The Empire Strikes Back came out and, to this day, is still considered one of the greatest sequels of all time. We had awful prequels with great ideas but poor execution, spin-off movies, tv shows, board games, video games, books, costumes, a rabid fanbase, a lovely fanbase... so if you're going to finish the entire story of Star Wars, you better be prepared to bring out as much creativity as you can to make the final entry worthy of such a legacy... So why didn't you, guys?

Note: This is a spoiler-filled review. Full spoilers ahead.

I gotta admit, I'll never tire of these posters though.

Warning: This might be my longest review yet.

Directed by JJ Abrams, returning in the chair again after sticking to a producer credit last time, The Rise of Skywalker follows our main trio for the final time as they are now in full-force battle against The First Order, led by new Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. However, there was a message by Emperor Palpatine, who is revealed to still be alive and wants Rey killed.

So the Emperor is back. It's very important that he's back, despite never having once been mentioned in either of the two previous films, and he was somehow the mastermind behind it all. Well, isn't that interesting? In fact, it's so important that he's back that the film literally didn't take the time to build up to his return for a cool reveal. The opening paragraph in the text is all we got, because this film was in such a rush that it forgot you can't just throw a major villain like that into the ring without taking a few seconds to establish that he's now a major part of this story. The first scene could have been Kylo Ren getting the message he's alive, and that would have been fine. Immediately, the first few words, and TROS is already in trouble.

Stone Throne's ending vs Iron Throne's ending. Discuss.

Why did they rush the reveal of Palpatine? Well, if I had to guess, it's because this film's pacing is atrocious. From the opening scene of Kylo Ren fighting to get the location of Palpatine until the ending credits, TROS never takes a break. The film rush from scene to scene, as if it's worried it's going to lose the audience, and so all the emotional moments we're meant to enjoy never get a chance to breathe. The "Oh no, Chewbacca's dead!" lasted for two minutes before moving on to the next scene and revealing he's perfectly fine. This is easily one of the biggest problems with TROS, and it's surprising considering how well-paced the previous entries of this trilogy were, one of which was directed by Abrams himself. Literal deaths have almost no effect because of how quickly characters move on, as if they didn't matter or barely happen.

On the brighter side, I did enjoy some of the scenes that should be fast-paced. A very fun bike chase across the desert planet stands out in my mind, just simply because of how straightforward it was. There's bad flying stormtroopers and we have to blow them up! None of the action quite reaches the heights of Rey and Kylo vs the Praetorian guards, but it's a very good step in the right direction. The final Rey vs Kylo fight was well-choreographed, and each of the actors are giving it their all. Unlike the prequels, the action isn't as over the top, but I think that's for the best. Personally, I'd say the sequels found the perfect middle ground between originals and prequels when it comes to combat.

Why, that scene looks familiar. Where.... oooooooh! You clever people with your subtle references!

Actually, there is something else I should address before I get too negative again: Every actor is doing a great job with what they've been given. Adam Driver's Kylo Ren performance has been a highlight of this trilogy, and he delivers each line with a trembling uncertainty that helps really sell the situation he's in, and the small increase in levity when he's no longer a Sith (the little shrug against the knight for example) is a nice detail to show how he could have been without the burden of evil hanging on his shoulders all the time. Daisy Ridley as Rey is always enjoyable as well, with the constant barrage of twists and turns frustrating her to no end, to the point she ends up doing stupid things in desperation, but she always takes time to be nice and respectful to her elders, and refuse to give in to the Dark Side whenever it's asked of her. And of course, John Boyega as Finn and Oscar Isaacs as Poe are both performed well... despite the fact that Finn does nothing but chase after Rey like a lost puppy and Poe complains over and over again. Seriously, why are these two here again?

And of course, we can't forget about the faces of the past that gave wonderful performances as well. Seeing the last of Carrie Fisher's work, watching her pass away, the grief of Chewbacca... Yeah, even in this rushed film, I still felt that one. God, I miss her.

Okay, Leia-Sensei is a great idea. Oh, what could have been...

Billy Dee Williams has returned as Lando Calrissian for the first time since 1983, and I'm honestly unsure why he took this long, because he's having a blast. Almost as much as Ian McDiarmid, who is as operatic as ever in his portrayal of Palpatine and breathes energy into every scene he's given. He cackles, he monologues, and he manages to make me feel better inside. I strive to have as much fun in my life as he does in his villainy.

The new characters are fairly fun honestly. If they ever decide to force another spinoff out, the best choice would easily be Naomi Ackie's Jannah, the other Stormtrooper that ran away from the First Order. She, and the masked woman Zorii Bliss, played by Keri Russell's eyes, don't feel entirely necessary to the plot but they did at least keep me engaged whenever they were on-screen. Which is more than can be said for poor Kelly Marie Tran's Rose, who has been reduced to a glorified extra.

Amazing how many times we saw a desert plant in this series, yet not one moon made of cheese!

Alright, let's start bitching about the story. Get out your flasks full of Pepsi, people, because this is a rough ride from start to finish.

Palpatine's Return

As I said earlier, Emperor Palpatine's return from the dead was horribly introduced, but the justification in the story itself is even more confusing. For starters, he's a zombie now. And attached to a bunch of machinery and wires, floating around as if he's Glados, (Or would Wheatley be more appropriate here?). We're told that it's through the power of the Dark Side, but that's all we're told.

How did he go from being dropped down to a shaft by Vader on an exploding Death Star, to the Sith homeworld we had never heard about before? Who are the cult members, and where did they come from? On this completely dead planet, where did Palpatine get the technology to make clones of Snoke? How was he able to construct an entire fleet of planet-destroying battleships? Where were the Final Order this entire time? Is Palpatine a clone? How many books are they going to have to release for this all to make sense?

Answer: Because The Force?

C-3PO Mindwipe

So... yeah, did anyone else think C-3PO got absolutely shat on during this film, for basically no reason? In TROS, the group encounter a dagger with "Sith writing" on it, that would lead them to where they need to go next. C-3PO's programming interferes and won't let him translate the words out loud, so they go to an adorable new character named Babu Frik, but they find out he'll need a full memory wipe to do so. And everyone... doesn't care.

Yes, in quite a surprising turn, Rey, Poe and Finn seem quite disinterested in listening to C-3PO's shock and worries. There's zero sympathy, care or even hesitation behind their actions. I know this is war and C-3PO can be annoying at times, but he was still someone who had been with them since the beginning. That line from the trailer "Taking one last look, sir, at my friends" is absolutely hollow and almost tragic, now that we can tell basically nobody gives a shit about him.

"You sit on a throne of lies!"

Then again, it got conveniently reversed by best boi R2-D2 later on, so maybe that's why nobody gave a shit about him. And in the end, did it even matter? Nope. Mindwiped C-3PO didn't do anything different, for better or worse. It was a complete waste of time.


General Hux

Okay, I love Richard E. Grant. He was a great choice for The Great Intelligence. (All of you who got that reference are now my friends). However, his role here feels completely unnecessary, as General Hux, the main face of the military side of the First Order, already existed. Two movies had been spent building up the character of Hux, played by Domhnall Gleeson, and the "reveal" that he was the spy shocked literally nobody, so I almost wonder why they even did it. Why wasn't Hux the final boss alongside the Emperor? He had the loyalty to Snoke, the hatred for Kylo Ren/Ben, and he'd have jumped at the chance to work for Palpatine to kill Ben when he changed sides.

And you thought the Dursleys had a few bad eggs.

There is a scene where Palpatine and Pryde are discussing what to do next, and it's so surreal because these two are our final bosses, yet neither of them were in any of the other films of this trilogy, or even hinted at. Two films spent building up both Kylo Ren and Hux, and we end with... a character from the past, and a face we've never seen before.


Knights of Ren

Oh sorry, how could I forget these guys? We also had the "Knights of Ren", first hinted at in The Force Awakens, and who we've all been excited to see. We were disappointed that they didn't appear in The Last Jedi, but surely these lovable and menacing characters will finally get their due here! Right? RIGHT?!

The descriptions of these characters in this book is some of the edgiest and best stuff you'll read all year.

...Yeah, they were blanks. No personality, no unique strengths, no names even mentioned in the film. I remember being really interested in these guys showing up, expecting them to be badasses with unique weapons or abilities. Maybe they use the Force, or lightsabers, or weapons like the Praetorian Guards had! Looking back at it, those red guys should have just been the Knights. The final fight between them and Kylo almost felt like a homage to that fight scene. Or an envious little brother.

Made me really miss Captain Phasma. Damn, she got a rough treatment from both films, didn't she?

Rey's "True" Parents

I knew this one was coming. For the past two years, I've been dreading it. In The Last Jedi, Kylo Ren tried to break Rey's spirit and make her join him by revealing the truth she was unwilling to face, that she was a literal nobody without a family name or heritage, alone in the universe unless she took his hand. And she still rejected him, knowing she would have to prove herself without any history to back her up. Anyone could be a Jedi. Anyone could be a Sith. And unlike Luke or Leia, she had no connection to anyone who was amazing before her, which might cause some in the Resistance to be uncomfortable with following her and make her have to work on her own merits and abilities...

But nah, she's Palpatine's granddaughter now.

Aren't you happy to hear that, guys? She's related to someone famous now! It's not because of faith or anything like that, but it's because she's got Palpatine blood. Yes, apparently someone had sex with Palpatine during the original trilogy (if I've got the timeline figured out correctly), to create a nameless son who I'll name Jeffrey Palpatine, and then Jeffrey had a daughter that he sold into slavery "to protect her". God, isn't that so much better?!

Trailer-Speak personified.

If this had been hinted at in The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi, you could maaaaybe make this work. However, if it isn't clear yet, there was no plan when this mystery started. JJ Abrams created the question "Who are Rey's parents?" but he clearly had no idea where she was going to end up. If he had, we'd have learned something about that during The Force Awakens, or at least some hints leading to it. Or he'd have spoken against Rian Johnson's idea for The Last Jedi (he was still the executive producer, remember. He still had control. No director comes in halfway through an arc, burns everything in front of them then becomes a tyrant. It's just impossible, especially with a project as big as Star Wars. The Disney Overlords would never allow it.) Out of every decision made for this film, Rey's parents might be the most insulting, not only because it's clearly just undoing a decision from the last movie, but because of how little effort was put into making it work. Why didn't you just make her a clone?

And who the flipping heck sells their kid to slavery to protect them? Sick bastards!


Palpatine's Final Battle

"Strike me down in anger."
"Use your hatred."
"Blah blah kill and become evil."
"Look at your friends fighting in my war and about to die."

Those might not be the exact quotes, but they're close enough. It was too much when Snoke did this in The Last Jedi, repeating the Emperor's dialogue and plan, but this is just... tragic. It's the same climax, the same dilemma, the same exact villain doing it! And since he's now Snoke too, that's THREE times that the Emperor has tried this shit. Is it a fetish?

Anyone else kinda wish Snoke had actually been a giant? Imagine the lightsaber!

When Rey does finally kill the Emperor, I don't even get it. We spent a good while during this climax listening to Palpatine demand she kills him, but she can't because she's a good person... until she does kill him and nothing bad happens whatsoever. So...why not just kill him half an hour ago? Why let him do a badass lightning storm, killing or hurting tons of random ships we don't really know? Amazingly, we got a repeat of the exact same climax from 1983, but it actually made less sense, was less epic in every way, and just worked to undo what made Vader's sacrifice so great in the first place.

God, this movie...


Kissing

In an interview, JJ Abrams promised "LGBT representation". I wouldn't bring this up if he hadn't, but he did and so I need to address it. What is the big "representation"? Finn and Poe? No, that'd have been fun, and the actors would have enjoyed that because they had the best chemistry of the entire trilogy and actually pushed to make that happen.

Instead, the kiss is a scene between an extra and a woman with two or three lines throughout the film. It lasts for one second, and then it immediately cuts to a guy hugging a slug monster, which I'm convinced lasted longer than the kiss. And that's the big representation.

I've been too negative, so here's Babu Frik to cool us both down. Aaaah... he's so cute.

Does this please literally anyone? Is anyone happy to see this patronising crap? A crumb's worth that we're meant to act grateful for? Either do it right or don't do it at all. This is an attempt to have their cake and eat it too, and it's frankly embarrassing. (You'll notice they've edited that kiss out of the film for certain countries...)

The big kiss we do get is between Rey and Ben... Yeah, no. He psychologically manipulated her in almost every scene he was in, tried to kill her multiple times, and was a hero for, maybe, 20 minutes of film. During those 20-or-so minutes of heroism, he had zero lines of dialogue and saved her life once. Maybe he would be attracted to her. In fact, I could totally buy that being the true reason he didn't want to kill her. Rey on the other hand is a sane woman who would be wanting at least some time away from this guy before she even considers going on a pizza date with him. I know a lot of people wanted these two to get together from the start, but it's very poorly developed and hasn't had the build-up needed to work. At this stage, it was probably best to leave it alone.

Jurassic World is still my go-to for forced romances in modern films, but damn... this one is a great contender.


Luxo Jr

As is the way of every Star Wars film, TROS had to bring in a brand new face to be sold to kids and in games. In The Force Awakens, we got BB-8. In The Last Jedi, we got BB-9E (also known as BB-H8). And in TROS, we got D-O! A lampshade on a wheel that spoke in little phrases, and that I nicknamed Luxo Jr because the movie didn't take the time to learn his name until they needed to enter the third act, most likely not thinking he was even important enough to care...

You thought BB8 would be the best sequel-droid, but it was... still BB8 actually.

What's strange about D-O is that he's another character who really doesn't add much to the story, and feels completely like marketing. I normally wouldn't care as much, since this is Star Wars and we've all had to accept long ago that a lot of this is purely to sell toys, but D-O feels especially off. He's introduced during a rather busy scene, and then he's briefly revealed to have been subject to abuse and actual trauma. And that actually made me curious. I don't think we've ever seen domestic abuse in the Star Wars canon before, so you'd think bringing this up could provide some interesting drama, or even a connection to what Rey keeps experiencing from others in her life, like during her childhood slavery years. Instead, he's there for a few lines, becomes a McGuffin alongside a dagger, and then that's it. It's such a strange and jarring decision for such an innocuous character.


Final Opinion

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is not the worst of the franchise (the prequels are still slightly below it), but it might be the most frustrating. A suspension of disbelief has always been necessary to enjoy this series, and we've enjoyed that, but TROS feels so desperate to be liked by everyone that it refuses to be too creative, and instead retreats to a comfort zone, expecting praise for repeating the past. After both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, there were so many directions this franchise could have gone, and it's astounding that it chose to go backwards. You gain a newfound appreciation for the prequels, because at least they had an arc and ideas from start-to-finish, while it's too clear that JJ Abrams, Kathleen Kennedy, or whoever was meant to be in charge of all this, started a massive billion-earning trilogy without an ending prepared.

Great acting and gorgeous visuals make for a pretty face, but what's inside is weak and afraid of it's own audience, and that's a massive disappointment. Whether you're a fan of the previous entries or not, I think we can all agree that a film, especially a Star Wars film, should always try to do something new, regardless of whether it might fail or not. Always.

And The Rise of Skywalker most definetly did not.

Movie Rating: 5.5/10

Best Performance: Adam Driver as Kylo Ren.

Best Part: Rey vs Kylo Ren.

Worst Part: The desperation behind-the-scenes.

Black Arrow? Falcon-Eye? There's something there and it's genius!

Shiggins:[Admin]
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Born under the stars of the Dark Gods, Shiggins owns the power of the Great Eye and is utterly magnificent in his omniscience. If you dare to discover more about someone as great as him, then go ahead. And to all my friends and family members, YOU are wrong and I should be disappointed! Not the other way round!,. You can find out about him or ask him stuff on ask.fm/shigginsishere or go to his tumblr page http://otakugajeel.tumblr.com/