Thursday, March 15, 2018

Tomb Raider - Movie Review

Written by Shiggins

Without the pixel boobs, is there even any point?

And so we come to yet another film adaptation of a video game, but this time it is a member of the filthy reboot club as well. So already, this film is in a lot of trouble. Being a video game movie is hard enough, due to the awful history of attempts, but reboots aren't exactly my best friends. (I'm still terrified of the possibility of a Back to the Future reboot one day). So did 2018's attempt to bring Lara Croft to the big screen pay off?

On an island covered with gun-wielding murderers, and it still makes more sense for her to have a bow and arrow than Hawkeye.
Directed by Roar Uthaug and written by Geneva Robertson-Dworet and Alastair Siddons, the film is about a young Lara Croft, played by Academy Award Winner Alicia Vikander, as she goes on a quest to find her missing father by reaching a mysterious island, and discover why exactly he left all those years ago. Along the way, she comes across a murderous group working for "Trinity", harsh environments and maybe even something mystical.

Unlike the 2001 and 2003 Lara Croft movies, which starred Angelina Jolie, this film is not adapting the classic games but rather the grittier reboot with the same title. That means you'll get to watch Lara be punched, kicked, stabbed, shot, slashed and strangled as she tries to escape this horrible island. Lara herself is still quite a bland character who rarely gets to have fun, but Vikander's acting is at least strong enough to insert some personality into what could have come across as the next Mikaela Banes.

Oh and, like other every other bloody movie out there that isn't a horror, our protagonist is a master of cleaning herself up. Gotta look pretty, no matter what! Even if it kills the immersion...
If you aren't a huge fan of the rebooted Lara Croft games, you might find yourself disliking this one. Lara isn't cocky or sexy here, and comes across as reactionary to everything going on. Some of the fight scenes she's involved in though are pretty sweet, many of which served as well-done callbacks to the 2013 game. The finale is set in a tomb, as it should be, but the scene of Lara and the rusted plane on top of the waterfall... well, that's a hoot.

Sadly though, the other characters are just dull and unexplored. Dominic West as Lara's father is cliche to the extreme, but with the added bonus of a weird obsession with kissing his daughter's forehead. And then there is the great Walton Goggins, who the film never truly explains. Why did Trinity choose him? How long has he been here? I don't know!

I know this sounds weird, but he is a badass with a shovel. If you saw the movie, you'd understand where I'm coming from.
That brings us to one of the film's biggest problems; The questions!

Whether it be the film's fault or the characters', I found myself asking questions constantly. For example, Lara Croft refuses to take her father's inheritance at the start of the movie, because she doesn't want to believe he's dead. Fine. Then she goes off to find him. Also fine. At this point, you'd think she'd take the literal millions of cash and the manor to use, right? No. She sells something precious instead to a wasted Nick Frost cameo. Hollywood, you need to start using Nick Frost properly!

It might seem like I'm being petty, but questions like this kept building up as the story went on and I started to sigh in annoyance when I noticed how big my list of unanswered questions actually was. Even Trinity were just a big "What?" by the end of things! And as for the big twists in the story... They're just lame. Uninspired and lame. Totally lame. I can't go any further than that without spoilers but trust me when I say the third act was really butchered by some poor writing choices.

"At least I'm still cleeeeean!"
Tomb Raider doesn't change the tradition of unimpressive video game movie adaptations, but it at least manages to avoid falling to the lowest standard set by the Mario and Street Fighter movies. When the film focuses on Lara Croft surviving and fighting, it can be a fun ride. On every other occasion however, the film is lacking in a writer with passion and instead feels as dead inside as the tombs we want Lara to raid.

Film Rating: 6/10

Best Performance: Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft.

Best Part: An action scene on top of a waterfall.

Worst Part: Third act twists.

I have to say, it's a shame that Uncharted exists because it really hurts the Tomb Raider franchise... I mean, both are ripping off Indiana Jones but my point still stands.
Shiggins:[Admin]   .
Born under the stars of the Dark Gods, Shiggins owns the power of the Great Eye and is utterly magnificent in his omniscience. If you dare to discover more about someone as great as him, then go ahead. And to all my friends and family members, YOU are wrong and I should be disappointed! Not the other way round!,. You can find out about him or ask him stuff on or go to his tumblr page

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