Written by: Micha
‘Tis here. The holy month of love, affection and a slight amount of desperation. I didn’t think I would hear the word “love” come out of my mouth either, but for the sake of this cotton candy and plush bear stuffed article, let’s pretend I’m a nice person.
For the fellas around our otaku community who are lucky enough to find a person to spend the 14th of February with, Valentine’s day is a great day to empty your bitterness, loneliness, and bank accounts.
And for the unfortunate, single, 24/7-manga-reading losers like myself, it’s just been another partner-less year. Well, if you don’t count the fictional characters we fantasize about and obsess over, that is. And this bitch of an amorous and somewhat suffocating holiday just makes us ponder about that one cold bed on which we’ll grow old and die alone.
No? Just me? Yeah, let’s pretend I didn’t say that.
My point is, this holiday is going to be magical for all otakus, regardless of your current status because I’m about to show you something very cool. Valentine’s Day is about love; whether it’s your lover, the person you admire from a distance because of a restraining order, a platonic friend, or your parents, it’s the perfect time to team up with freaky anime-themed shops and Japanese online stores to show how much adore them.
If someone gave this to me, I’d marry them. You wouldn’t believe how many people living in this world uses their dinner plates and MacBooks for a make-shift mouse pad, which makes this one of the most ideal gifts for Valentine’s Day. Or Christmas. Or Birthdays. Or Independence Day. Seriously, who wouldn’t appreciate this? However, on an unrelated and informative note, I wouldn’t give this to my parents if I were you.
It was a while back that I saw these gems and I instantly fell in love. Whoever came up with this brilliant idea has to be made president. The main reason (not really) that this product is such a perfect gift is because it’s ergonomic (who are we kidding); meaning it eases your discomfort and decreases any medical disorders that may arise when using normal mousepads.
|An erection is not a medical disorder.|
Gone are the days you lie awake at night, wishing that your room would be more anime-themed. Gone are the days you get broken bones and restraining orders for using the bosoms of random people you meet in public places.
Really? Just me? Never mind.
Basashi Ice cream.
You know what. Chocolates are overrated. I know it’s some kind of Japanese tradition to make your own chocolate from scratch to give them to your sempai in the name of love. But they’re overrated and a pain in the ass to make, with all those expensive cocoa beans and milk and pubic hair and whatnot.
This is your valentine. So go different. Do something different. Make them feel they’re one in a million and buy them a special cup of Horse Meat Ice Cream. It’ll make them feel like they are one-woah wait- hold your horses, Horse Meat Ice Cream? Yes, you heard that right.
|At least it's not this guy.|
I’ve heard a lot about the weird ice cream flavors the Japanese invented; like the Potato and Butter Ice-cream, or Green Tea Ice-cream, or Sea Urchin Ice-cream, but Basashi Ice Cream takes the cake. The Japanese are certainly not horsing around with this one since the product is actually made of horse meat. It’s like one weird Japanese ice cream entrepreneur one day had a revelation and thought, “Ah! What we all need in life is Horse Meat Ice Cream!”
I, myself, have been baffled by this invention and tried to find an online store that sells this product. However, unfortunately, they only sell this in Japan. Bummer, right? If you want to buy and give this to a person you love, you have no choice but to fly over there. Unless, of course, you live in Japan. In which case, send me one.
I think all of us anime fans have seen those pillows with anime character prints, and tragically, some people even own some of those due to the bored bloggers, and money and other things sucking creative producers marketing their products. If you haven’t seen it, click here, you totally should. It’s the best stuff ever. And you can buy them online here and here and here and here and here and here. Oh and, here too.
|In fact, look at this dude who married a body pillow. Be that guy.|
Well, now it’s time to take your obsession a little further by giving this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful pillows and slippers to your loved ones. Why you ask?
First of all, it’s terrifyingly unique. It’s uniquely designed to express your vibrant sexuality which I can assure that the ladies will certainly dig, and holy hell, it’s cotton! Is there anything more comforting than slipping your feet in to cotton slippers on a lazy Sunday morning with a woman’s sexual organs on it? It’s like slipping your feet in to the soft, luscious, silky hair of Britney Spears before she went bald.
So this is the season of love, and love is about giving and if you’re giving, you should give balls deep. However, if you plan to not do anything this year except for getting fat, then invest yourself in buying cool avators for your profile pictures this year. This website has over more than 200 different Japanese artists you can choose from, who will draw you your own custom illustration.
Have a Happy Valentine’s Day. Or something.
Also, she now has an ask.fm. Here's your chance to harass her.Micha likes to broadcast her terrible drawing skills to the world on her DeviantArt account and talks about her life long ambition of making Yakushi Kabuto a woman, on her Skype; michasucks. Yes, with the dot. She will also respond to e-mails on her email@example.com because Amber forces her to.