Written by Shiggins
Hiro Mashima tackles gender politics.
Let's go ahead and assume Hiro Mashima is an odd duck. When he's bored, he gives us a great side story chapter. And considering the heavy drama we've been getting recently, it's only fitting that Mashima-senpai would choose now for a chapter filled with fanservice, laughter and... some very odd conflicts between genders in this surprising chapter.
|Oooh I have a bad feeling... Please be more Flintstones than bad-porno.|
The year is 10,000 BC. Seriously. The caveman Natsu and his cat Happy are hunting a warthog together, while Gray and Gajeel watch on. Natsu chases the warthog through the bushes and throws his spear. The spear lands in the water, where Natsu comes across a woman figure with a large behind bathing.
|First Zera. Then Zeref. Now Lucy.|
The female tries to run away, but Natsu catches them easily and is shocked to find that they have no sausage between their legs. Scared and confused, they let the non-sausage man dress and tie her up, taking her to meet the village elder. All the men of the island stare in confusion at this new being, and they all collapse due to their sausages feeling rage from looking at the bodies of this person.
|What kind of man asks their penis for help in a scary situation...? Oh. All men. Okay.|
The elder arrives and explains that this being is known as a "female", and even he and the elder's son, Laxus, fall to the rage of the sausage. The elder tries to warn Natsu to return the woman before trouble occurs, but he doesn't listen and refuses to give her back. And of course, this is when the worst possible outcome occurs. Sexy women appear!
|I see everyone still acts the same around Lucy, no matter what time period we're in.|
Led by the leader Erza, they wish to rescue the female known as Lucy, and now it's time for war! Natsu uses the power of a flaming torch to fight them off, but the angel-like girl Wendy uses her power of wind to blow it out. Gajeel's metal hammer is outsmarted by Levy's swiftness, and the ice spears of Gray are defeated by Juvia's water attack, when she uses a hammer to destroy the dam. Erza's outfit defeats Laxus' sausage, and it looks like only one man is left.
|Those are some sexy animals that I'd love to ride.|
Natsu refuses to give up Lucy, grabbing hold of her. This is when he accidently holds her bosom, and his sausage finally activates. With the power of a dragon, the girls are left in shock and must retreat from the "mammoth". They have to abandon Lucy, who Natsu adopts, and Erza promises to save Lucy one day. Meanwhile, Zeref and Mavis watch together and hope they learn about love eventually.
|And... that's me dead. I'm done. You won, Mashima-senpai. Well done.|
Opinion: So Natsu has a big penis.
Or was it loud? Did it roar? Did it glow? Or were the girls just impressed because they hadn't seen one before and it resembled a mammoth's trunk? If you guys want, I can do a ranking of what I think the penis sizes are between the men of Fairy Tail, or just make it a poll for you guys to vote in, but I don't think Natsu is the biggest of them all.
|Super Saiya-junk? Man-Kai? Up Up Power Ranger? Must be some good pun for this...|
This could be a funny spinoff if Hiro Mashima ever returns to it. I mean, it's batshit insane and ridiculous, but so is most anime so it would fit well. Then again, it might be best as a oneshot we never see make a return since it was... well, this was a strange review for me to write.
Is this sexist? Nah. Nobody's smart here. They're all idiots, confused by genitals and puberty, and it's probably for the best that we don't think too much on it. I didn't care for some of the characters acting unlike they usually do, such as Levy's "swift attacks", but it was fun. It was a nice break from a big war arc, and it made me want to see a massively ridiculous arc like this in the canon material. Just something to break the mould and keep things fun for a while.
|Ugh. So inaccurate... I mean, how can there be no picture of Max with a broom up his arse?!|
Lastly, the shipping moments were fun I guess but that Mavis and Zeref moment... That was just the best way to finish this. Well done.
Manga Rating: 3.5/5
Character of the Week: Mavis for being the adorable half of the perfect ending.
Best Part: Ended on a high note, accomplishing everything it needed to do.
Worst Part: Levy the sadist? Juvia the dominant?
Born under the stars of the Dark Gods, Shiggins owns the power of the Great Eye and is utterly magnificent in his omniscience. If you dare to discover more about someone as great as him, then go ahead. And to all my friends and family members, YOU are wrong and I should be disappointed! Not the other way round!,. You can find out about him or ask him stuff on ask.fm/shigginsishere or go to his tumblr page http://otakugajeel.tumblr.com/