Why Uchiha Clan is Shit

Written by: Micha

I imagine writing about this topic would be the fanbase community equivalent of digging my own grave, and it isn’t in my best interest to get virtually egged by the armada of Uchiha fanboys. No wait, it is, actually. And this armada of fanboys have been dominating our fandom since Kishimoto lost his marbles somewhere around mid-Shippuden and let his Uchiha-loving dick take over the writing. Thus, loathing this ludicrous and deranged clan seemed the most reasonable thing to do.

Is that...is that Sakura in there I see?

I must confess that one of the darkest things about my past is that I used to be an Uchiha lover. The silky hair, the dark eyes and lack of vaginas (discounting Sasuke) used to give me an orgasm. But in light of grave pet peeves provoked by the writer recently, I am permanently turned off.  

I hate the Uchiha Clan. There. I said it, fanboys. And if tomorrow I’m found to be dead, then you know who the culprit is. 

The sharingan pisses me off.

You should know that my hatred towards almost anything nerdy is based on how I see the developments as a writer. I judge the tiniest detail as a writer, not as reader, which has proven to be rather a curse, apparently. Here’s a little glimpse in to my soul: I hate Hinata because she’s a one-dimensional character, indicating a flaw in writing. I hate Fairy Tail because of the ludicrous amount of fanservice which is a pathetic attempt at covering just how under-developed a writer is, indicating a flaw in writing. And I hate the sharingan because it has been powered so much in attempt to meet the standards of classic shonen that it has completely crossed the borderline, indicating a flaw in writing.

Izuna could have been saved if Madara knew sharingans were available on ebay.

 Here’s a list of people who can beat the sharingan.

1.My mom.

2. .

Yeah, that’s about it.

The thought of a bloodline limit that enables you to do eye techniques were enough to give me and my fellow shonen-worshippers wet dreams, but then it went overboard. What cannot a sharingan do? It clearly wasn’t enough that the sharingan had the ability of x-ray vision, copy ninjutsu, genjutsu and taijutsu, hypnotize summons and big ass tailed beasts, perform izanagi, izanami, amaterasu, tsukiyomi, unlock MS and EMS, send people and preferably your junk in to a whole another dimension and keep them there as you please, but apparently, sharingans also have this mysterious power up of transforming in to a rinnegan, for heaven’s sake.

Quite honestly, I don’t even see the point of it transforming in to rinnegan because obviously, the sharingan has managed to outshine the rinnegan since Madara and Obito does not seem to give a single fuck about the rinnegan they now possess.

At what point are we allowed to say that this shit is overpowered way beyond the norm? I wouldn’t be surprised if the next power up would be of the sharingan creating a massive black hole sucking in the world and all other Uchiha fags.

Achievement unlocked: Mangekyo rinnegan. 

Sharingan has evolved to the point that it is too perfect and there isn’t a single person who can beat it (except my mom). Now, where is the fun in that? People who actually approves of this bureaucracy are the same people who creates RPing OC with sparkling skin, eternal mangekyo sharingan, byakugan, rinnegan, senju DNA, expertise in medicine, teleportation jutsu, and who also happens to be the long lost sibling of Rikudo Sennin.

They are assholes and pathetic.

Well, this is no surprise. All Uchiha are assholes one way or another, even at circumstances where there was no need to be an asshole. I’m going to quote my soulmate in here.

“Madara: constant Asshole.

Sasuke’s dad: Asshole.

Itachi: was an asshole even when he wasn’t.

Obito: eventually an asshole.

Sasuke: Asshole.

All random Uchiha: Assholes.”

I think the biggest controversy arises when it comes to Itachi, because the fans still can’t get off his dick for some reason. No, he wasn’t an appraisable hero. He was an unreasonable son of a gun who manipulated his otherwise sane little 6 year old brother to convert to a hatred-inducing, vengeance-seeking, hair-abusing psychopath, just so his own sins and guilt would disappear.

Life would have been so much easier if Tobirama just gave them a hug. 

You must be thinking, “But Micha, everybody loves assholes!” Yes, we do, faggot. I would know; I love myself. But Uchiha are assholes because their asshole-ism was stemmed from the fact that they are too weak when it comes to handling their emotions; ergo, it’s pathetic. The best example for this would be the previously mentioned little brother and Obito Uchiha, but their pathetic-ness is extended to such a degree in the manga that they need their own headline.

Sasuke and Obito Uchiha are faggots.

Out of all the dipshits in this clan, why do these two get the spotlight in our article? Because they are just that bad. I will refrain myself from commenting on Sasuke’s poor choice of hair products for the umpteenth time because his skill of being a pseudo prodigy tops it. Despite coming from an overpowered clan with a rich bloodline limit, Sasuke still somehow manages to suck. The only thing he truly worked for is Fireball Jutsu, shuriken throwing and chidori. The rest are easily handed to him either by his sugar daddies (them being Orochimaru and Itachi), or given for no apparent reason just for the convenience of the plot.

"I'm just too pretty to battle." 

Meanwhile everyone else have to work their butt off for power ups, this dude receives new developments like Halloween candy, because apparently, he’s Kishimoto’s princess. However, despite receiving a huge amount of unfair advantages, he has done nothing but disappoint me time and time again.   

He only managed to defeat Orochimaru because the man was already on his deathbed. He couldn’t defeat Deidara as we saw that Deidara committed suicide. He only managed to defeat his brother because he, too, was weak, on top of his death being written in stone by Sasuke’s hands. Not to mention Orochimaru would have taken over Sasuke’s body if Itachi hadn’t taken care of it during their battle. His illogical plan of destroying Konoha made the whole fandom slam their heads on the keyboard. Also, his first mission of Akatsuki proved to be a complete failure since he couldn’t capture Killer Bee.

And when he came to war after undergoing an eye surgery that would gain him even more unfair benefits (EMS), you know what he did on the first battle? Stood there like a princess while Itachi defeated Kabuto.

Seriously, how does he have fans at all?

Now coming on to our next person in line: Obito Uchiha. There are two fates for this dude:

1.Either he gets Talk No Jutsu-ed, which looks highly plausible since Naruto seems to be on a roll right now.

2.Or he dies an idiot.

Good. Stay there.

Out of the many Uchihas on a permanent emotional rollercoaster, Obito managed to out-do it even by Uchiha standards. His emotional weakness got the best of him when his love interest died, consequently letting himself be psychologically molested by Madara Uchiha’s ideals to the point that he declared a war. In a way, his existence does serve some purpose for the storyline as it would be kind of cool to create a villain who was similar to the protagonist.

But because of a girl?

Here’s my beef with romance: I hate it. Especially in shonen. I’m all up for philosophy, morals, mythical adaptations, and brotherly love which I will try to turn in to a yaoi ship eventually, but romance? No, fuck that. If I wanted romance in manga, I’d be reading shojo.

And certainly, Obito’s inability to get his shit together after Rin died definitely lost my respect for him as a man.

So all things considered the Uchiha clan is shit. It doesn’t take an uncultivated mind to figure out that this clan was designed to be shit and probably will continue to remain shit. They have become so overpowered to the point that I can no longer approve of it. And if you disagree with me on this, you're wrong and you are a faggot.

Micha: [Co-founder]









Micha likes to broadcast her terrible drawing skills to the world on her DeviantArt account and talks about her life long ambition of making Yakushi Kabuto a woman, on her Skype; michasucks. Yes, with the dot. She will also respond to e-mails on her michamichamicha@live.com because Amber forces her to.