Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Blindfold Anime Viewing #1: Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo Episode 1

Our 400th post!

                                                  Written By: Platitude

Well, I decided to take a break from writing my overly-long Spice and Wolf review and try something different. The basis of this (what I hope to be an) eventual series of "reviews" involves me randomly choosing an anime with the help of some people. 

I choose the first anime that appears on the list the website generates, unless the show is one that I have already viewed or have heard of in even the slightest. Then while viewing the show, I will occasionally pause the video, and write down my thoughts and reactions when I deem it necessary, kind of in a play-by-play format. There is pretty much only one rule of this procedure, which is that I can only view shows that aren't even familiar to me in the slightest, so I'll probably be reacting to some very obscure shows here.

This will be fun.
However, this is no one-man show, no sir. I am asking for you, the reader, to finish viewing my article and then go into the comment section to tell me if I should continue watching the show and eventually write a full review of it, or move on to a different series. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy.

    10:41 P.M.

    I have spun the metaphorical wheel of fortune and have happened upon a show known as Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo, which, judging from the thumbnail and nothing else, looks like either a shojou or a moe-centric series. I really hope that it isn't the latter. I see the word "pet" in the tittle, which, using my magnificent powers of deductive reasoning, makes me think that there will be something to do with domesticated household animals. The kitten, which is being held by one of what I assume to be the main characters also helps this prediction. Oh well, I guess I'll find out...

This is the picture I was provided with. I'm going to assume that the kid that's on the front right and the one with glasses are male, but it's kind of weird that both genders appear to wear the same uniform...
10:51 P.M.

    Well, that was the funniest first minute of a show that I've seen in awhile. It began in this really twee yet somber dream sequence in what I assume is a school, where the kid on the front right in the picture above ponders on the monotony of his life... Which is immediately interrupted but him turning around and coming face-to-giant-furry-ass with a massive cat. This leads to him waking up to finding a cat (the white one in the aforementioned picture) sitting on his face.

10:55 P.M.

    The show just fell a few rungs on my ladder with a panty shot naught but 15 seconds after I praised it's opening sequence.

10:57 PM

    Damn, I think I selected a fucking ecchi. Asexuals just can't catch a break. The girl responsible for the upskirt is apparently named Misaki, and is the one that is jumping exuberantly in the middle of the picture. She is apparently of the "hyperactive" genre of character archetypes, and spent the last 20 seconds of the show so far prancing around and going on about how she wants to be a housewife when she gets older.

11:00 P.M.

    She just asked our ostensible protagonist if he wants to see her in a loincloth. This show is now in what I like to call a "shallow grave."

11:02 PM

    Our main character is named Kanda, which is brought to our attention by what can only be described as the sluttiest MILF-teacher I have seen in an anime since Golden Boy. Her leopard-print bra is showing.

11:04 P.M.

    The cross around her neck is sending mixed messages, considering it is sandwiched between what a only be D-cup-or-above-sized breasts.

11:05 P.M.

    All of my criticisms are almost completely forgiven by this little shot:


11:08 P.M.

    A little more background information has now been given. Kanda is tasked by Slut-sensei to fix the sign outside of the school he is at, which is apparently called Sakarasou, or to be more precise, the housing area that he is in is called Sakarasou. It apparently is the epicenter of this anime's equivalent of a "special needs" program at Suimei University of the Arts, where Kanda is attending.

11:14 P.M.

    Our lovely Misaki returns, shouting from the balcony of her dormitory that she looks great when she's naked. Also, according to Kanda, she is responsible for creating a popular anime. This seems to be completely irrelevant right now. After ranting about "carnal desires" and upsetting the general populace, we are then introduced to the second male character shown so far, Mitaka Jin, who might as well have words "Rico-fucking-Suave" written on his shirt, although the lipstick smears on his collar is close enough. Oh, and he wrote the script for Misaki's anime.

I don't understand how he could get such a perfect lip imprint on his collar without having someone do it intentionally.

11:19 P.M.

    Slut-sensei is apparently named Sengoku Chihiro, but I'm gonna keep calling her Slut-sensei. At the age of 30 (or "29 and 15 months" as she prefers to call it), she is apparently desperate for a husband.

11:21 P.M.

    A message from a person named Akasaka Ryuunosuke is shown onscreen, which babbles about some kind of project dealing with audio, which makes absolutely no sense with the information we have been given so far. I still await full clarification of what the hell is going on.

11:24 P.M.

    Kanda is finally fully introduced as a member of the "the straight man" archetype with a stated goal of escaping from Sakurasou, so this show is pretty much as cliche as you can get without it being a criminal offense at this point. We have our regular cast of characters, so let's see where it goes from here...

11:27 P.M.

    Oh, the school is apparently not a university. It's a high school, just in case that dead horse wasn't completely beaten.

11:28 P.M.

    So... The school provides separate housing for "loony bin students," but they attend regular classes? Choo-choo! The Gaping Plothole Express is arriving at Contradiction Junction!

11:30 P.M.

    I think the show may have just explained why Kanda is in Sakurasou in about the vaguest possible terms, but I can't be sure. Either way, it still makes no sense.

11:31 P.M.

    Oh, they're talking about the cat... So apparently Kanda is forced to reside in Sakurasou because it is the only dorm house that allows pets. If he really thinks that staying there is that much of a hell, why doesn't he fucking sell the thing? Yeah, it's what he claims that he intends to do, but the flashback that we are given shows the cat when it was an adorable little kitten, which can only be so hard to give away. It isn't like kittens are lovable and totally awesome, is it?

11:36 P.M.

    Kanda update: Oh god, this show just wants to be given the boot at this point, doesn't it? Kanda is apparently one of those idiots that will do absolutely anything to protect those he cares about. You know what, man? Perhaps you should be put into Sakurasou anyways, for a dangerous amount of altruism.

11:39 P.M.

    Stereotype update: We now have a new, extremely dull archetype to add to the mix! Introducing the normal, studious, and hard-working girl that is totally not in love with the protagonist...

11:41 P.M.
    Slut-sensei just made a dick joke. No, scratch that, a testicle joke. I laughed, I'm embarrassed to say.

11:43 P.M.

    Slut-sensei has now tasked Kanda with picking up her cousin from the train station. Apparently, she has just arrived from England, which is signified by her blond hair.

11:44 P.M.

    Kanda appears to be quite the upstanding citizen. It seems that pretty much every single merchant knows him.

11:46 P.M.

    Slut-sensei's cousin looks disturbingly like an albino version of Chitoge from Nisekoi, although this could just be because both shows have almost the same style of ultra-colorful animation. So, now she isn't just ripping off Sawachika Eri, but now she has to steal from two series. Also, I have the feeling that this show is going to quickly turn into a harem, because Kanda is quite obviously smitten by Mashiro (Slut-sensei's cousin), and there is enough estrogen in this show right now to rival that of even the most militant of feminist groups.

Mashiro Shiina

Chitoge Kirisaki
11:51 P.M.

    Misaki is now harassing Mashiro with penis euphemisms.

11:52 P.M.

    I have to admit, when in the right mindset, the combination of blatant crassness and stellar animation is almost enough to carry the show. So far, its falling into the same category of "shows I really shouldn't like but kind of do," along with Kore wa Zombie Desu ka?, but with less fanservice.

11:54 P.M.

    Hey Micha, just in case you want to know, Mashiro's measurements/statistics are: 162 centimeters tall, weighs 45 kilograms, and has measurements of 79, 55, and 78. I don't know how appealing that is.

11:58 P.M.

    Misaki's anime appears to be some kind of psychedelic hybrid of Sgt. Frog and Space Dandy. Funny, considering I was sure she had created a hentai. I may have been projecting.

12:03 A.M.

    Kanda appears to be spooning a pillow right now.

12:04 A.M.

    It appears that Mashiro's room has become the site of a portal opening from the bra dimesion. Jesus, there must be fifty pairs or something...

12:06 A.M.

    Oh, and she's drawing a manga, because of course she fucking is. Is it like a rule that all quiet girls need to draw manga? 

12:08 A.M.

    So, not only is she quiet and involved in manga, but she also seems to be borderline narcoleptic. Just keep stealing ideas from School Rumble, it isn't like someone will notice...

12:11 A.M.

    Mashiro is now completely nude. I'm tempted just to add Holo to the list of "characters that Mashiro rips off from," but I don't know if criticizing the show of being creatively dead at this point is even worth it.

12:14 A.M.

    Aisaka Taiga is also going on that list, so yes, I am being petty.

12:15 A.M. 

    Fuck it, Yin is also on the list now. Mashiro is apparently incompetent at doing anything herself.

12:18 A.M.

    ... And, it's over. The ending is your typical J-Pop, but I didn't expect anything more. Speaking of which, I spent the entire show waiting for the opening titles, but they never came. I'm not sure if this is just a first-episode thing or what.

Wrap-Up (12:21 A.M.)

    Well, I'll be honest, I wasn't too impressed. As pretty as the show looks, there is, at best, the trappings of a below-mediocre romantic comedy underneath all of the polish. I understand that judging characters based off of one episode isn't the best of practices, and there is always the chance that the cast deepens over time, but I feel that the immature image that the anime seems to hold may be a restricting factor on how far the series can advance its "serious" side.

This would be fine, as I did admit to enjoying Kore wa Zombie Desu ka?, which had a profound plot in the same way that a beached whale has the ability to fly (that being said, there were a few flying whales in that show), but it at least made up for its lack of story by having tons of genuinely funny moments, while Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo had maybe four instances in its first episode that I laughed at.

 It appears that the script writers mistook sex jokes to mean yelling "vagina" every once in awhile and sitting back to peals of laughter, but a good sexually driven anime like Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt would yell "vagina" and then proceed to run around the room and smack people with a pair of disembodied labial flaps. What I'm trying to say is that vulgar humor only works if a show is willing to fully embrace the concept, instead of pointing to it every once in a while and giggling. Don't take the "disembodied labial flaps" thing out of context.

So, it is now up to you! Should I continue with Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo, or move on to pastures new? Let me know in the comments section!

Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo is available on Crunchyroll for legal streaming. Please support the creators of the series by refraining from piracy and illegal streaming!


Born from a freak lab accident, Platitude grew up in an impenetrable section of the Amazon Rainforest with nothing but his wits and a flying, talking arapaima sidekick named Scuppernong.
After being discovered by South American cocaine smugglers, he managed to reach the United States with the help of a friendly local cartel and three condoms of pure, fresh-cut Colombian bam-bam. There, he financed a new life by betraying Scuppernong and selling him to an aquarist. Platitude immediately spent his $20.00 fortune on a bootleg copy of Boku no Pico, and a legend began... 
You can find his mad scribblings during his frequent bouts of insanity here

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