Monday, August 27, 2018

Pokemon - Why It's Not Perfect

Written by Shiggins

Yes, even Pokemon has flaws!

It's the long-awaited comeback of the WINP articles that I know you've all been begging to see!. And what better way for this series to return than by looking at the flaws of one of our childhood's greatest marketing campaigns to make our dumb head buy those toys until we die... Pokemon!

Note: This is about the anime, not the video games or trading cards, or whatever other merchandise.

If you wish to see my other WINP articles, just scroll down to the bottom of this article!

Wow, Pikachu has lost a lot of weight over the years. Good for him!

Ash Can't Commit

This is one of those flaws that is impossible to fix, so I feel mean for even pointing it out. However, I can't deny the truth... Series' protagonist Ash Ketchum breaks up with his Pokemon too much and too easily. Upon time of writing, Ash has technically collected a total of 50 Pokemon but he is currently only holding five of them.

Does anyone remember the time they had watching Charmander grow from a gentle soul to an uncaring dick to a loyal partner of Ash? Or how about the effort he had to go through to create his own iconic Greninja? Snorlax, Muk, Infernape, Glalie, Squirtle, Primeape, Goodra, Noivern, all 30 of those Taurus... Ash has made many friends over the years and has bonded with each of these Pokemon, but he's certainly got no problem leaving them behind when a new generation of pocket monsters pops up.
Aww, that's nice. A big reunion of his... Wait, where's Squirtle?
Obviously, the reason for this is because Ash can't have an entire army of Pokemon following him everywhere. And if we don't continue onwards and collect new Pokemon, we might as well stick to the originals and never leave Kanto. However, you can't deny that the emotional connection that Ash makes every time is undercut by the inevitability that it won't last and soon he will abandon his current party for a new group. So enjoy Rowlet while you can. He won't be there for long.

Except Pikachu. He's the exception because marketing.


Fuck You, GS Ball

No seriously, fuck the GS Ball.

The Pokeball created to advertise the "Gold and Silver" games was brought up in the anime with the intention of having a legendary Celebi inside, but it was abandoned when Celebi was chosen to be in a movie instead. So the GS Ball got shelved, in the hopes it would be forgotten about by fans. The thing is though, fans never forget.

That's it! I'm getting a crowbar!
At this stage, I think we'd take anything so long as it was relevant and fun. A shiny Magikarp, Pikachu's little sister Pichu, an Ultra Beast... Anything! This plot will never have a resolution! Ever!

So, fuck the GS Ball. Hard.


The Song Lied to Me

"Gotta catch them all!"

So, why don't you, Ash? Your surname is literally a play on the term "catch them". You are meant to catch every single Pokemon out there! That's the entire point of this franchise. And while one could argue that's ridiculous in this era where the Pokedex has reached over 800 entries (and is still going), I would argue that Ash is a liar and so is the song.

Did anyone see Pokemon Origins? The supreme short series about Red catching every Pokemon in the first generation? While it was short, we still saw him catch everyone except Mew, but nobody counts Mew. He still had an emotional connection to his Charizard however, meaning that the series still had heart.

No seriously, watch Origins. It's really damn good, and short.
Ash, you're a failure. You've barely caught any Pokemon. And as I said before, your bonds to them clearly don't matter. Catch them all or keep the ones you "care about". You can't have neither!



No Winner, No Winner, No Chicken Dinner

One of the biggest reasons to play the games was to get to the end. To stand up to Lance or Blue/Douchebag or Diantha or whomever, defeat their ultimate team, and be the very best like no-one ever was!

So why can't we have one damn League won in the series?

YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! IT WAS SAID YOU WOULD BRING HOPE TO THE FANDOM, NOT DESTROY IT!
The sad truth is that Ash is a loser and will always be a loser. He finishes all the badges so he can take on the league, but then he loses every single time. Without fail, no matter what Pokemon he has, he loses. And honestly, it's just sadistic at this point. You could make the argument that if Ash was a champion then he'd stop altogether, but I'd make the argument that this series has been going on for literally two decades now!

Do you guys remember when Ash went in the Kalos League with his unique Greninja? The marketing was hyped up, that Greninja unlocked a form unique to the series, and it was finally time for a win... but then he lost, and people got pissed! Not just because of how hyped up it was, but because we had seen it before. 5 times before Kalos, to be exact. And seeing Ash take it in stride, laugh it off, and run to another region is just disappointing at this stage. Ashley Ketchum, you get back there and finish this!


Burn it!

Whoever told Giovanni, head of Team Rocket, that he must wear an orange suit should be burned alive in the fire of Mount Doom, because that person is clearly an abomination created by a Dark Lord that seeks to destroy all fashion. Clearly, that horrible designer died long ago because Giovanni eventually moved away from the vomit-inducing mess into a far more suitable attire. However, let it never be forgotten that Giovanni was once made to endure the sickening clothing of orange!

At least his chair game is strong.

The Real Stars!

Prepare for trouble!

And make it double!

To protect the world from devastation!

To unite all people within our nation!

To denounce the evils of truth and love!

To extend our reach to the stars above!

Jessie!

James!

Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!

Surrender now or prepare to fight!

Meowth, that's right!

I think that motto/theme/song/chant alone proves it, but has anyone ever wanted Ash and his increasingly weird friends to be the focus when this amazing trio are around? It's weird to say this, but these three bumbling villains are by far the deepest characters that Pokemon has ever created. If you ever get bored, take a look at the backstories of Jessie, James and Meowth before they all became a group. It's surprisingly brilliant.

Mere words cannot express my love for these characters.
We've seen these games fight rivals, survive balloon crashes, suffer literal bear hugs, and even save the world! If the anime studios announced an anime about these guys, in the style of Dick Dasterdly trying to catch that pigeon, I'd watch it every day. "Catch the Pikachu". Sing along to it, friends!


Metagross is MetaChamp!

Metagross is the best Pokemon.

It is an insult to me that anyone can ignore the greatness that is Metagross, including Ash. And if you disagree that it is the best then you hate Pokemon because I said so. I will now proceed to drop this mic, and you will proceed to adore it  or never talk to me or my Metagross son ever again.

Digivolve to... MEGAGROSS!

Ouran - Why It's Not Perfect

Naruto - Why It's Not Perfect

Bleach - Why It's Not Perfect

Fairy Tail - Why It's Not Perfect

Nisekoi - Why It's Not Perfect

Medaka Box - Why It's Not Perfect

Berserk - Why It's Not Perfect

Hunter x Hunter - Why It's Not Perfect

Attack on Titan - Why It's Not Perfect

Dragon Ball - Why It's Not Perfect

One Piece - Why It's Not Perfect



Shiggins:[Admin]   .
Born under the stars of the Dark Gods, Shiggins owns the power of the Great Eye and is utterly magnificent in his omniscience. If you dare to discover more about someone as great as him, then go ahead. And to all my friends and family members, YOU are wrong and I should be disappointed! Not the other way round!,. You can find out about him or ask him stuff on ask.fm/shigginsishere or go to his tumblr page http://otakugajeel.tumblr.com/

3 comments:

  1. My issue with Ash losing has always been he doesn't seem to learn anything that sticks. Region to region he is relearning tactics or failing to grasp basic concepts of pokemon battling, maybe its best to not bring a team with 3 mons sharing a weaknesses to one type into your league battles? Even if we gave the benefit of the anime pretty much running on its own rules and its perfectly sensible to bring a snivy to the championship once those mons are boxed so is Ashs ability to retain information.

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    1. That's actually a good point. Ash has been in countless battles with some of the strongest Pokemon in existence, including Mewtwo. By this point, after two decades, he should be as well-trained as Goku is when it comes to a fight!

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    2. At this point I am still wondering why pokemon just doesn't adopt yugioh/Digimons formula of a different set of heroes per new region. Ash and pikachu are iconic I understand that but its not like the series would suffer from them having a completed story or a new cast for a new generation of pokefans

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