Saturday, February 16, 2013

Oh, How Much I Love Sasuke


*Note: After my Hinata bashing article, it's only logical to balance the hate with this piece of faggottery*

I’m told that I need to calm the fuck down and for once spread some love and joy on OtakuNuts with my articles. So I decided that I would stop offending people who by the way, hugs fluffy animals and cry themselves to sleep every night because their lives are so dull that they need to hug fluffy animals and cry themselves to sleep every night. I’m being optimistic. I’m being zen. This is me being zen. And then I realized that this means that I can express my closeted love for Uchiha Sasuke all I want!

*I shall pause for the inevitable gasps*

It might come as a surprise for most of you to know that I love Sasuke to death. Uchiha Sasuke who was born to a clan full of highly adorable creatures, has always been a character whom I loved from the very depths of whatever that pumps blood to my cells.
He’s also one of the characters in the series whom I can relate to myself. Now, I’ll give you two major reasons why he and I are so similar.

Survived the Uchiha Massacre.

You can kiss my ass and lick my balls, but you can’t deny the fact that Sasuke survived the mass murder. And so did I. The fact that I’m breathing and typing this blog is enough proof for you to absorb that I in fact did survive the Uchiha massacre. Of course, I’ll never get over the reality that Itachi treated Sasuke like the princess he is and he failed to give me the same treatment.
But that’s beside the point.

As if the hair gel wasn’t enough, he had to wear a tiara to make me jealous.

We’re both psychopaths.

Even though I put it bluntly, it’s not half bad. I’m pretty sure Sasuke enjoys his mental instability as much as I enjoy mine. Sure enough, I can’t compete with Sasuke’s since he got a dead family, dead brother who died twice and a mangaka abusing his hair because of a poultry inspiration. But I have my own moments too. Like this blog.

‘psychopath’ is an understatement.

After a little taste of our similarities, I’d tell you about our two major differences.

Clothes.

No one in their right mind would wear what Sasuke wears these days. Unless they work for a strip club, that is. It is no surprise that training under Orochimaru had forced the inner pornstar to come out and show everyone his hairless bosom, converting every gay male straight.

This clothing is specially designed by Orochimaru to show his nipples from sideways.  

The Sharingans.

It’s a tragedy that we must all bear. We can never get one of those cool pair of sharingans. Not the fake lenses you get in malls. That shit just doesn’t work. MS, EMS, PMS, you name it Sasuke has it.

It’s like he’s undressing me with that sexy look. How can anyone say no to that?
I felt that no one appreciates this character enough, and I still am not satisfied with all the love I have given him in this blog. But true love has no words, and one day I’ll ask Sasuke to be my wife.

Written by: Micha



4 comments:

  1. LOOOOOOOOOOOL just read this now. This article was perfect ="D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fucker, now I'm not anonymous and I don't suck. =P

      Delete
    2. My way of encouraging people to sign in. Works, right?
      *Micha*

      Delete